A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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