we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
