i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
