Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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