she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
