When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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