Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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