96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
