How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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