why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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