this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
