I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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