just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
