i will never coherently bang her
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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