wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
