Your tits are I can't wait for
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
