Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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