rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize