You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
