He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm too high and old for this...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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