becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
