this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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