My girlfriend figured out who you are.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
