guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
