wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
