It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
