I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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