I accidentally burped into my bong.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is Oprah even human
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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