Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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