so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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