i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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