I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
