Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
