my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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