after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
