I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
