Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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