After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
