Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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