don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
