Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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