you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
