2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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