What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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