; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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