So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
