me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
