I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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