remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
