Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it's like iHOP with fire
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
