that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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