The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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