if you like me you must not know who I am
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
