found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
