The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
