if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
