I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
