Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
