What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
