can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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