I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
