Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
