I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
