on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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