Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
