Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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