so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
