I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
