I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize