There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she told me i tasted like america
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
