i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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