How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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