Your mouth is God's brothel.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
