I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
