I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
