you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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