I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
